letting go

I am staring at the fabric of my life and dread begins to find its way toward me.

I am blanketed by the moons of Jupiter and the vicious emerald blood of my planet flowing through my veins.
I am watching my epitaph. It stands still, but it is coated with films of betrayal and false promises which reads “Staying happy in her own skin.”
My stomach churns. My ribs ache with pain. My head hurts with all the noises.

Fear is something which only you can control it and know it like it fits you like a glove. Only you can master it. You are all you have. Bear this in mind. The sole solution to all your problems is your fear. I have kept it away from me as I loathed it like rotting meat. When you merge it with patience, what you get is a secret, potent weapon.

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I stand naked right beside my epitaph. Worms manifest my body. They are making their way toward my vagina and I stand immobile. I am choking on my own.
My carcass is a maze. What I have acquired now is the possession and power to pursue and see through it. This time the earth beneath me stands firm. Patience has never been kind to me. What I harbour is new to me. But I can’t figure as to how it will end. My emerald blood boils red. My fear rises.

A strong wind takes me by surprise. My moons no longer help me. They wither away with the first gust of the gruesome wind. All I have is me. A tired, old rag. I dance along with the incoming gusts. I sway to the wonderful rhythm. I create my own demon and unleash it. Together. Naked. We conquer the vulnerable.

The weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders.
Now I know that fear is inconsequential.
Now I know what I am worthy of.
Now I know where patience can lead me.

Published by Udisha Jana

rants of a 19 year old.

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