I smell liquor.
off your mouth in a grey evening
standing close in a crisp white T-shirt,
staring into my eyes
hazel to teal.
I hear Nina Simone
from your playlist.
Your heated whisper “Because you’re mine.”
And you pull me into
those comforting arms of yours,
my only place to abide by.
I see temptation and need.
Your hoarse voice
echoing the lifeless walls of my room
“I need you so.”
I am on my knees now.
Your honesty disarms me,
your touch makes me reel like
I am a spiritual beast
in search of piety.
I sense fear
In your jagged breathing
with your head on my chest,
your arms encircling my waist.
My unsteady heartbeat not mirroring yours,
you look at me.
Searching for disclosure
my masked emotions deceiving you.
You take me at your pace.
Slowly, savouring every bit.
I will worship you
For you showed me the depth of walls of passion,
for you beguile me
and I let go
daring to fly, daring to be Icarus again.
And despite me being torn up,you have a wealth of love to give.
You didn’t run.
You chose to lay your world at my feet.
I will tell you tales.
of maple scented whiskey,
of sensual mornings,
of your legs braided in mine.//
I will tell you tales.
of scandalous affairs,
of queer humans,
of my body feasted by you in our dens.//
I will tell you tales.
of numerous Beadon Streets we walked,
of sidewalks we laid our feet on,
of barricades we tumbled upon.
I will tell you tales.
of your soggy lips,
pastel blue with a shade of warm red,
which smell of lilac coloured evenings.
Here I am now,
You snuggling up to my chest,
Both of us draped in prism shades.//
The Pride month is drawing closer yet the situation here, in India doesn’t seem to change.
Don’t you want to see rainbow flags draped over their bodies, marching and singing?
Or do you want to keep them out of the streets? Saying they don’t belong here? Thinking they are filthy creatures in our so polished society?
They live within us. They are humans. What grave mistake have they committed by being born?
Shout out against gender inequalities and biasness.
Picture © Anna Dart
I am staring at the fabric of my life and dread begins to find its way toward me.
I am blanketed by the moons of Jupiter and the vicious emerald blood of my planet flowing through my veins.
I am watching my epitaph. It stands still, but it is coated with films of betrayal and false promises which reads “Staying happy in her own skin.”
My stomach churns. My ribs ache with pain. My head hurts with all the noises.
Fear is something which only you can control it and know it like it fits you like a glove. Only you can master it. You are all you have. Bear this in mind. The sole solution to all your problems is your fear. I have kept it away from me as I loathed it like rotting meat. When you merge it with patience, what you get is a secret, potent weapon.
I stand naked right beside my epitaph. Worms manifest my body. They are making their way toward my vagina and I stand immobile. I am choking on my own.
My carcass is a maze. What I have acquired now is the possession and power to pursue and see through it. This time the earth beneath me stands firm. Patience has never been kind to me. What I harbour is new to me. But I can’t figure as to how it will end. My emerald blood boils red. My fear rises.
A strong wind takes me by surprise. My moons no longer help me. They wither away with the first gust of the gruesome wind. All I have is me. A tired, old rag. I dance along with the incoming gusts. I sway to the wonderful rhythm. I create my own demon and unleash it. Together. Naked. We conquer the vulnerable.
The weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders.
Now I know that fear is inconsequential.
Now I know what I am worthy of.
Now I know where patience can lead me.
As you can already figure out from the title, I have finished reading To Kill A Mockingbird and I just can’t get over Boo Radley and Atticus Finch. Harper Lee is purity. Its perhaps one of the best books if all time and please give it a read if you haven’t, already.
Holidays are finally here and school has ended for now. I can’t believe the year is coming to an end, though. But honestly, this year has been the worst so far.
Christmas is around the corner. Park Street will light up again and it wll look like a thousand bucks worthy as usual. Everyone spending time with their families, fairs, circuses and of course fairy lights. I can’t point out any reason as to why I don’t like December. This month brings everyone together (pretty much) and festivity is always in the air.
As it is vacation time, I plan to read Catcher In The Rye and Kafka On The Shore. These two little books were waiting patiently to be read and now I have the time to do so. These two final weeks of my December will consist of studying, competing God awful projects, and of course weekly tests. I plan to get through these in the utmost cheerful way possible. Because carpe diem, friend.
I hope 2017 won’t let me down or is it the other way around ? I will take my leave now.
Enjoy the 25th of December. Do whatever you feel like doing. Because its not everyday that you get a 24-hour long break. Am I right?
Count on yourself to be happy. Always. You deserve to be because what you are today is because of your past. You are standing erect today because of the choices you made.
Tell me honestly. Would you be still standing here if you have not fallen and locked up yourself in a crate? All if these have led you here. You have made an effort to try and take the paths not taken. But yes, the consequences were inferior. You will never get past that. Isn’t it natural for hundreds of paths to be altered?
You deserve to be happy because you know there’s no point in hiding. You isolate yourself and remain in your own bubble, not wanting to be pricked. You deserve the power within you which you failed to recognize for the past years. You deserve to be happy because you have fought for long with yourself.
The time has come for you to embody your dreams. Yes maybe you are slow, maybe you’re devoid of talents but trust me this is what you will be needing for the days to come. Some days better than the others.
Happiness deserves you. It has waited far too long, despite your loathing and flawed self. Happiness deserves you because you are worth waiting for.
Have you ever heard of the dark side? Its a place where you find shabby pages with secrets, age old proverbs scribbled on the lifeless walls. Madonnas depriving them of their natural beauty. Demons lurking inside. Waiting to pounce upon you.
Let me tell you. Its a place where love is defined as fine as fallacy. You will feel your bile rising in your throat. Its the place where each and everyone wants to be accepted. You feel real sick. The colour of your blood turning emerald with every turn of event.
It a place which harbours your bitterness. Your vicious beast kept at bay. Your treacherous, destructive self that you bred for so long.
You know this yourself. You are driven. But every time you look at yourself in the ill fated mirror, the ghost like face stares back at you with disgust. You are fucked up on too many levels. You are tired of the false assurances. That’s the time when the axioms which are never meant to rejuvenate, surface.
What now? What are you afraid of? Is it cleaving a vein that has made you a coward?
Don’t think for one second that it is the place where medication and solution based therapy shit is going to help you. Its not.
You are going to pay for your abominable mess.
Picture : © Amartya Khan
adjective ta·boo \tə-ˈbü
: not acceptable to talk about or do
:forbidden to profane use or contact because of what are held to be dangerous supernatural powers.
That’s how Webster defines the word.The taboos exist because of us. Because of the nature, itself. No. Neither the “main-stream” Indians nor the “chinky” Indians are responsible for this. India is the homeland of North East. Or is it the other way round? Think about it. Our country is home to them. And they spending every moment of their life in this country. And I forgot to mention xenophobia. I have even heard people commenting about Chinese looking people and the fear haunting them. Wait. What. Honestly?
Omitting the rape cases, things are not as smooth as they go. People have slowly started assimilating for their own good.
Next we come to the stereotypes.
North eastern girls are shameless.
- You may have come across this too. They happen dress in a way which men find them desirable. Do people who hold on to such taboos know that its not just clothes, but the perception of shame also, which is culture. Let me spell out that loud for you. C-U-L-T-U-R-E.
- Its a known fact that some Naga and Mizo tribes eat dogs. Mainstream Indians say the hill people have no compassion because of this. Just like the way we love goats, chicken and not to mention beef, they too see them as food. Can you consider it now? It a lifestyle choice. They have settled the way they want to. And we, most of all people have no right to point fingers.
North Easterners are spoiling Indian culture by pretending to be very Western or rather South East Asian
- I was watching Pink the other day and Andrea caught my attention. While she was being questioned in the court, she was the only person who was continually asked – “So you’re from the North East?” How come was this not asked to other people present who came from Rajasthan or Andhra Pradesh? As Deepak Saigal put it. Talk about colonization. Before the Japanese Forces got a hold, the north east was not isolated. They had their own religions, worshipped gods, river nymphs. As the British came in during the 1940s, many settled in the Brahmaputra Valley. Many in Myanmar. And many were converted into Christianity by the British. The church exposed them to the standards of the present world, scripts for their own languages, education and solace from the demons (us). That has made them look up to the church and its “Western ways.”
They are the seven sisters. They are landlocked between. They want peace. They want a little bit of humanity. They are far from mainstream India. Huddled in their daily chores.
Raise your voice. They too have a story to tell.